A Year of Living Sexlessly

I have had a lot of empty sex in the past year. One night stands can be a lot of fun, yes, but they don’t exactly help you grow. And if a loving partner is what you’re after–you know, someone who gets you, with whom you can enjoy meandering walks, and travel for periods longer than a weekend–then you must exercise sexual restraint so you can get to know the person inside before mauling his outside.

Impulse control has never been my strong suit. I haven’t been one to hold off on sex to reap the the reward of a deeper connection with another that comes only with time and patience. In short, I have never combined sex and love. All of a sudden, I’ve decided I might like to know what that feels like.

So, on August 20 I began a fast, embarking on a journey not travelled since I lost my virginity at age 17. I decided I am going to go a year without having sex.

During my first “dry” month, I noticed that some men text me very late at night. Since I’ve been inactive, I get to bed a lot earlier and the sounds of these incoming texts now rouse me from my sleep.

Pre-celibacy it wouldn’t have seemed weird at all to receive messages at 1 or even 2 o’clock in the morning. Last week, however, I received one at 3 am which has to be a record. And because I had removed the guy’s contact info from my phone a month earlier, it took me a while to figure out his identity. Now that I’m celibate, I adopted a haughty “how dare he” attitude toward the offender when, in fact, I’m the one who invited this kind of communication by sleeping with him on the first date. Remember what I said about me and impulse control? I do appreciate that text for the chance it gave me to overcome my first real hurdle in the sexless Olympics. We’ll skip over the fact that I was out of town at the time and couldn’t meet up with him anyway.

Two nights later, I’m back home asleep in my bed and the familiar sound of an incoming text wakes me again. The clock says 2:15. “My God, was this ok with me before?” I wonder aloud as I stumble over to read the text. Another handsome man–this one wants me to come out and enjoy the remainder of the extended drinking service during TIFF. And another service after that, of course. Among my friends, the jury seems to be out on whether you can have sex on the first date and still develop a meaningful connection with another person. Some of them say it happens. Do you have to wait? For me, I believe the answer is yes.

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Published in: on September 21, 2010 at 3:22 am  Leave a Comment  
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