The Notebook Sex: Does It Exist?

Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams got romantic on the the set of The Notebook

Is this what it feels like to be a man? And, if so, how do they get anything done? I’m talking about the fact that I can’t stop thinking about sex. I heard somewhere that sex pops into a man’s head something like every 20 seconds. I”m doing much better than that today. It’s been a constant stream of flashbacks to sexual acts I’ve performed in the past, accompanied by the same rush of pleasure they gave me at the time. I think it’s what you call fantasizing. Except it’s about stuff I’ve actually done.

Someone challenged me the other day on my decision to stay celibate for a year. She said there is nothing wrong with casual sex and if it’s so difficult for me to abstain, why don’t I just do it and enjoy myself? I was a little angry with my so-called friend, I have to admit. If someone tells you they’re in AA, you don’t advise them to stop suffering and go have a drink! I’m not sure if I’m actually addicted to sex but the withdrawal symptoms I am going through must indicate some level of dependence.

Another friend, bless her, told me I was doing the right thing and that sex can and should be “sacred”. Sacred! Now that’s what I’m talking about. I want some holy sex. I want to have sex that goes beyond the limitations of the physical and represents a psychic and spiritual connection between two people. I want sex like they have in the movies. Like the bedroom scene in The Notebook between Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Is that unrealistic? I used to chide people for wanting that stuff, saying they watch too many movies. If not movie sex, I at least want something real.

I do find after only 5 sex-free weeks that I am valuing myself more. I now insist on being loved for my inside as well as my outside. So far men have really only been interested in my looks and I’ve encouraged that. To some extent I’ve been afraid they won’t like the inside so I keep it hidden and distract them with sex. I haven’t done this consciously, and looking back now I see how my ego did it to protect me from getting hurt.

I am excited about the dry months ahead of me and what they will uncover. If in only 5 weeks I’ve discovered that my sexual impulsiveness stems from insecurity, then imagine all the fascinating baggage I have yet to unpack in the future.

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Published in: on September 26, 2010 at 3:35 am  Leave a Comment  
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