Make-up free

I feel different. It’s been four months since I’ve had sex and now that I don’t have to worry about whether or not I’m going to meet someone and/or take him home, I have eased up on myself a little. I don’t feel like I have to look hot all the time so I can get whomever I want. I actually left the house without make-up the other day which is a miracle in itself. I had a conversation with myself first because the idea seemed so wacky and I decided that I looked pretty good and didn’t feel like covering up my naked face. I felt liberated and vulnerable at the same time. Ironically within an hour someone called me “hot” which surprised me quite a bit.

I wear make-up not for myself but for you, the viewer. I have learned from a young age that people respond to my looks. I get daily compliments on my appearance and I feel as though I have a responsibility not to disappoint. I feel almost as though it’s my job to look fantastic. When someone says, “Wow, you’re stunning,” I just think well, good, I’ve done my job. Sort of like a mechanic who’s fixed your tire. He’s not going to be flattered because you rave about how well he fixed the tire; he just did his job.

Just recently I’ve begun to think maybe it’s not my job to look amazing all the time, that I’m allowed to leave the house looking less than perfect. I’m not perfect, I’m only human. Looking perfect distracts people from the fact that you may not have anything else of value going on, that the inside is a lot messier than the outside. That’s ok; my inside is messy. And now sometimes my outside is, too.

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Published in: on December 6, 2010 at 4:28 am  Leave a Comment  
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