One Less Lonely Girl

Ok, I’m lonely. I miss being touched by a man even though I know it’s not what I need. I have experienced progress in that I feel I might enjoy the more romantic aspects of being with men, like kissing, hugging and even talking rather than my mind going straight to sex. I just miss being in the arms of a man and I’m not ashamed to say it.

The longing intensifies when I get a text, which happens from time to time, from a guy whose company I used to enjoy *ahem* and who’s come sniffing, I mean asking, if I want to get together again. Part of me thinks it would be so easy to just get that fix and be done with it, but I know I would regret it after and I’d feel cheapened by the whole thing–a very short term gain for a longer term pain, one that I didn’t readily admit to myself in the past.

Everything has changed about me since I embarked on this journey, not the least of which is the way I dress. I used to present myself in a very sexy way which evoked a positive response in men, of course, but ensured that I was valued mainly for my exterior. Now that I am working on myself rather than being distracted by attracting men, I feel as though I don’t want to false advertise so I’m keeping the goods under wraps dressing much more conservatively and covering up skin I used to reveal.

It’s been 4 and a half months since I had sex or a date or any meaningful contact with a member of the opposite sex. What I’ve gained is the hope that a future encounter will be mutually respectful and beneficial, and spiritual on some level. I’ve also gained the knowledge that I can do without men while I continue getting to know myself. It’s really not that hard to stay away from men; it just takes some getting used to.

Published in: on December 18, 2010 at 4:12 am  Leave a Comment  
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