Happy New Year

No, I really don't...

It was so nice not to have to worry about who I was going to kiss this New Year’s Eve. A lot of my worries have been taken away since I gave up men five months ago; indeed, I have a drama-free life for the first time that I can remember and it is a direct result of staying away from the opposite sex.

I used to believe that this celibacy experiment had an endgame in mind which was to find a solid relationship. Now I’m becoming indifferent about the man part and enjoying forging a relationship with myself. Without the distraction of the Lady-Gaga-style Love Game, I get to focus on myself, become more self-aware and learn to love myself in a way that is new to me. I feel more relaxed, reflective, even mystical. And I don’t even do yoga!

I finally understand what women mean when they say once you have the self-love you don’t worry so much about the other kind. Ironically, they say that is when it finds you because energetically you are inviting the right person in even though you are not consciously aware of it. The dynamics are a little different than putting on a skimpy outfit and batting your eyelashes at a guy. As you can imagine.

At the moment I feel there is no way I would jeopardize this journey of self-discovery for any man. I don’t even look at them anymore and, for me, that is a miracle in itself. Honestly, when I see a good-looking guy I just think “Hmm” whereas before I used to salivate and stare. I am so beyond that exterior crap now. I’m not sure how long this sabbatical will go on but I feel in no hurry for it to end whereas before I was counting down the days. This thing has evolved into something else entirely. It’s no longer about giving up sex, but gaining a relationship with myself.

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