Setting Boundaries

I realize one of my problems with men is that I didn’t teach them how to treat me. They say you must have self-respect in order to command it and since I didn’t have very much I didn’t command very much. Same goes for self-love. Since I didn’t love myself enough I wasn’t able to love another.

I remember telling a guy I met that I didn’t like it when guys texted me. He proceeded to text message me and I accepted it. If I knew how to set boundaries, I would have been firm about the “no texting” rule and he would have either had to call me or find another girl who doesn’t mind texting.

Instead, I denied my own needs in order to keep the guy’s attention. I disrespected him as well as myself by being dishonest in my communication. If I had been honest about how much I disliked texting and the reasons why–it always ends up in a miscommunication, you can’t get the nuances you do from a person’s voice, it’s limited and cold–he would have learned something about me and it’s through these small incidents that people are able to get to know each other, their likes and dislikes, what they can tolerate and what they can’t. They learn to respect one another’s boundaries.

I never had boundaries before. I don’t think I knew what they were. I am gaining an intuitive sense of what mine are the more I get to know myself and I believe it’s got to do with what feels right to me and what doesn’t. When it feels as though I am sacrificing my own integrity to please someone else, a boundary has been crossed. I have to learn to keep those boundaries firm. In the nicest way possible.

“It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly.


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