Are you relationship ready?

relationship, sex, kitten, man, woman, boyfriend, dating, single woman, baggage reclaim

In the past seven months of self-imposed sexless singlehood I’ve learned a few useful life lessons:

1) giving away sex on the first date is not a good way to start a relationship;

2) empasizing looks and clothing/status leads to a superficial relationship;

3) it’s a bad idea to hope that a man will change…he might, but probably not in the way you were hoping.

What I discovered after reading the relationship blog Baggage Reclaim is that my bad luck in relationships has much to do with my own emotional UNavailability, my reluctance to allow myself to be vulnerable, and my selfish use of men for attention and external validation. The reason I attracted emotionally unavailable people is that I am emotionally unavailable myself.

The author says you have to be brutally honest with yourself and get outside your comfort zone in order to be ready for a healthy relationship. I have been doing those things and I know I’m still not ready. I don’t trust yet that I will not create drama, or run when feelings come up, or put up walls to protect myself if I get into another relationship.

For now, I’ll continue being honest with myself, getting uncomfortable, and letting myself be vulnerable. I’m also going to continue being kind and going easier on myself and practise some of that patience I’ve demonstrated with others…toward myself. Like the author says: “There’s no fire. Be careful of rushing to date again.”

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