The 90-Day Rule

I finally ran into another woman who doesn’t think I’m crazy for taking a one-year vow of celibacy: she did the same thing! In addition to abstaining from sex for a whole year like myself, she initiated a 90-day rule after getting back into dating.

For the first thirty days after meeting a man she would only talk to him: no hand holding or other physical contact.

At that point, if she’s still interested, for the next thirty days she may hold hands with him and kiss him goodnight.

The final thirty days allow for more intimacy but not sex–yet. If on Day 90 they are still together then she may have sex with him.

The idea is that she now knows she is worth waiting for. While in the past many of her relationships didn’t even last 90 days, now she takes that long to decide whether she will even sleep with a guy. I confess to having waited only ninety minutes sometimes for that in my past.

During the year of celibacy she, like me, spent time cultivating a relationship with herself, learning to love herself and enjoy her own company. The reasoning with which I am in absolute agreement: if you don’t even like yourself enough to spend time on your own, why are you taking yourself into a relationship with another person?

We need to find the true self-love that begins with being able to sit still in a room on your own without feeling as though you are not enough. You are enough and you are worth waiting for.

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