Honesty is the best policy

Ghandi, relationship, love, marriage, single woman

The word for today is honesty. It should be the word for every day but until now it hasn’t been for me. I was more about delusion, fantasy, and denial. I was always making excuses for men. They aren’t capable of showing their emotions; they’re too shy to ask me out; they don’t have time for me because they’re such hard workers and that’s a good quality. Wrong, wrong, and wrong. Rather than taking the information as it was given to me: he’s not showing emotion because he’s too selfish and he’s protecting himself; he’s not shy but lazy or not really interested; and if he wanted to see me he’d make time to see me…job or no job, I chose to believe the lie.

The first explanations are fantastical versions of reality I spun to delude myself into believing the men I dated had relationship potential. I wasted time working myself up to asking them out to either have them say yes and then stand me up or say they’ll get back to me and never do. You see, the type of men I attracted weren’t willing to give a straight answer. Or they were so busy they couldn’t fit me into their overloaded schedule. But they really did want to see me. Really. The lack of emotion was another example of me attracting men with walls around them because, guess what? I had walls, too.

My task now is to break down those walls by being honest and authentic in all my dealings with men or anyone else. I am not going to figure out what he likes and then try to be that. I am going to open and forthright about myself from the very beginning and if he doesn’t like it he’ll have to move along. I am ready for someone who worships the ground I walk on, who adores me for who I am not what I am pretending to be and certainly not for my looks. As I mentioned before I want someone with whom I can play sports, share spiritual endeavours, travel adventures, and other healthy interests.

I’ll take someone with whom I can be myself, someone who challenges me to be my best self, because now I have an idea of who that is. I ask for someone who will be honest with me in all things, who will admit when he is wrong, who will do his best to protect me from harm, who will treat me with care and respect. I will have someone who values my feelings and treats them like the precious gifts they are. Because feelings are true.

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