Sex, lust, desire be gone

men, women, relationship, love, lust, sex

I can’t believe I’m saying this after the way I felt when I started this journey of celibacy nearly eight months ago, but the desire has been taken away from me. That is, the need for sex has been removed. I don’t even feel like masturbating anymore. I don’t look at men with lust and I don’t pay attention if they look that way at me.

That may sound sad to some but for me it is a victory. See, before I only bonded with men on a superficial level, based on sexual attraction and things like how good he looked in a suit and what type of job he had. Of course, he responded to me in the same way, except replace suit with dress…and I don’t think he really cared what job I had. So, I never connected with a man on a level deeper than surface which means I never connected with a man at all.

Now that I am FREE from the distraction of lust, I am finally connecting with men on the friendship level. Even being able to have a conversation with a reasonably attractive man and not have it be sexually charged is new to me. It’s a wonderful discovery to find out that men exist for other purposes besides sex. You can actually converse with them. Imagine that.

Sure I talked to men before but the ulterior motive was always there on one or both of our parts: the need to impress, to be one up on the other person, to reveal very little, to play your hand close to your chest, to protect yourself from getting hurt. Now that I see men as people, yes people, I can be myself, let my guard down, look less than perfect, and be honest. I don’t feel like I need their approval or for them to like me.

For the first time since I was 16 I have been without a man for more than seven months. It has been the most liberating experience of my life. I don’t even think about men anymore and if I do, rather than negative thoughts about them I have neutral ones. I have nothing against men, I just don’t need them at the moment. I am pleased that I have an idea of who I am without the need for their attention.


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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I just want to let you know that this is one of the most interesting blogs i’ve come upon. I am from the opposite end of the spectrum and its just so cool and intriguing to read your story. 😀

    • Well, thank you, I’m truly glad you like it. I’m interested to check out yours as well.

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