I don’t believe in equality between the sexes. There, I said it. This doesn’t mean that I think men are inferior to women or vice versa. Only that I believe we are so different as to be incomparable and we were designed to complement each other like yin and yang. I read an interesting relationship post which said men desire a great battle to be fought while women desire to be fought for. What could be more perfect?
Instead of accepting these differences about ourselves and relaxing into them we are struggling to be something we’re not in the name of equality. I have no desire to fight for something to satisfy my inner warrior, but the idea of a man defending me is the best thing I could imagine. I have to say it makes me feel like a woman. Working fourteen hours a day does not. That’s why women underestimate men’s primal need to work. Any woman who’s been in a relationship with a man can attest to how much work means to him and how demoralized he gets when he doesn’t have it. Work is what makes a man feel like a man. And they love sharing the fruits of their labour with us.
I bring this up because I have decided to establish another boundary when I get back to enjoying the company of men (I’ve taken a year-long vow of celibacy if you are new here) and it’s one I’ve always believed in but been told is wrong on the basis of “inequality”: A man has to ask me out if he’s interested. I won’t do it. It doesn’t feel right to me, it strips me of my femininity, and makes me feel less of a woman. If a man wants me he’s going to have to ask. If he doesn’t because he lacks courage then I’ll be glad I dodged the bullet of a cowardly man who doesn’t go after what his heart desires.
I haven’t been asked out on a proper date since high school when my first boyfriend called me on the phone and asked if he could take me out for dinner. Since then I have received only half-assed inquiries like ” We should grab a drink some time,” or “text me and we’ll go out” or “there’s a band playing at X club on Friday. We could go.” I realize now it was my own low self-esteem that allowed me to believe these sorry excuses for dates were anything other than me believing I wasn’t worthy of being taken out for a meal and chalking it up to “equality” or an evolving society.
New boundary: he must do the asking and being fed is not too much to expect. If he can’t afford a restaurant he can make dinner.