IKEA: Swedish for common sense

Everbody’s got a joke about IKEA and how difficult it is to assemble products purchased there. Me, I’ve never had a problem assembling IKEA furniture. I’m very detail-oriented and patient when I want to be, so spending a couple of hours putting together a bookcase is actually my idea of a good time. Creating something beautiful out of a bunch of little pieces of wood and millions of screws and dowels is satisfying and delicious to me.

I also enjoy IKEA because it is woman-friendly. You never need a power drill to put together anything from IKEA: all you need is maybe one screwdriver and that stupid little Allen key (which they provide) and you’re good to go. No toolbox necessary. And for the sake of my femininity, I refuse to own a toolbox. Sorry if that offends you.

As an independent single woman I go to IKEA on my own and browse admidst dozens of couples. I’m not jealous at all; in fact, I feel quite sorry for them as I love being single but the one thing these women have that I don’t is someone who can lift heavy things.

Today I found this amazing deal on a piece of furniture and when I went to retrieve the box I found I couldn’t move it, not even a little bit. So, I had to go find one of those boys in the blue and yellow shirts and when I did, I thought he might not be the right one because he wasn’t very big. I thought I would need one with a linebacker’s physique to move this object, maybe two. So this smallish man follows me to my item and proceeds to pick it up and place it gently on my cart with seemingly little effort. I am astonished. He looks at me and says, “Is that all?” I feel there is judgment in the question.

So I pay and wheel my item to my car at which point I have to find another blue and yellow attired fellow to put the box in my trunk. Once I arrive home I must ask my male neighbour if he can help me carry the box into my house at which point I can finally stop asking men for help and assemble the bookcase myself.

The moral of the story is this: no matter how independent you are as a woman you will always need to call on a man to lift something heavy for you. It is a biological fact. And it is also the only thing for which I need a man at the moment.


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