Taking sex out of the equation

Since I took my one-year vow of celibacy I’ve been avoiding handsome men like the plague. At first I was afraid I would fall into bed with them by osmosis, so little did I trust myself (or them) and so full of lust was I that I couldn’t imagine interacting with a good-looking guy without it ending in sex. It always did before.

Out of necessity and in order to keep my vow of abstinence I had to do the opposite of what I normally did when I saw a handsome man which was to make a beeline toward him as though I had an internal GPS guiding me in the direction of the best-looking guy in the room. Instead when I saw a good-looking guy I began to a) ignore him; b) look the other way c) walk in the opposite direction…you get the picture. I felt it was the best way to stay safe and sex-free.

Now that a little time has gone by in my celibate year–eight months to be exact–my friend suggested to me that I begin to trust my motives and stop running scared every time I see a good-looking guy. She suggested if I want to relate to men I have to learn to have a conversation with them on an equal level and take sex out of the equation. I realize that’s been very difficult for me to do so far.

In the past, I have spoken to handsome men because I planned to end up in bed with them (blunt but true) and any man who wasn’t handsome I had little use for. Unless it was a man I worked with or someone I wanted to sleep with, I’d rather talk to a woman. So if you’re a man and we don’t work together and you’re not handsome or in my family, I really had no use for you. Again, blunt but true.

So now that I’m discovering who I am without the need for male attention and I’m acknowledging that men are people and not just objects of my lust, I’d like to learn how to relate to them on an equal level and see if we can take sex out of the equation. I’d like to challenge myself to have a conversation with a handsome man and do so without lust in my heart or any sexual motivation. Can I do it?

Published in: on April 11, 2011 at 3:04 am  Leave a Comment  

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