Life without sex…so far

sex, abstinence, actress, oscar, celibate, body image, relationship

Amy Adams: "I wasn't put on this earth to look good in a swimsuit."

Feast to Famine began as a personal blog on my evolution during a year-long phase of self-imposed celibacy. By the title, you can imagine I was anything but abstinent before I began this journey on August 1, 2010. When I first started (or stopped, rather), I thought getting through the physical cravings for sex would be my battle. I was counting down the months until I could finally–yippee!–have sex again.

After a while, I stopped tossing and turning in bed and realized this journey was about much more than surviving without a man’s hands on me. It was about discovering who I am without the attention of men and realizing that I am a person and not an object of somebody else’s desire. I began to think of myself as a subject rather than an object, if that makes any sense.

It doesn’t matter to me anymore if a man looks at me. I don’t hate it and I don’t like it. I don’t feel like throwing him against a wall if I don’t like him and I don’t feel as though he validates my existence if I do. Before, if I was having a bad day, all it would take is for a man to tell me I was beautiful and I would feel better. No longer do I rely on that type of external validation.

Being sexually abstinent has opened my eyes to myself in ways I never imagined. I don’t look critically at my body anymore because it’s sole purpose is not to attract men. It’s to do things. It’s me and I love it for that.

When I began this journey I had as my goal a healthy relationship with a man. Although I’d welcome that into my life if it came, I now realize the most important relationship I have is with myself. I’ve learned to love myself without the need of anyone else’s approval. That, to me, is the definition of freedom.

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