sex, relationship, men, abstinence, celibacy, women

All a girl wants is for one man to prove to her that they’re not all the same.” -Marilyn Monroe.

I need a male friend. I’ve never had a male friend. I’m not the kind of girl guys want to be friends with. I’m also not the kind of girl who wants to be friends with guys. On the rare occasion in the distant past when a guy professed to be my friend he would inevitably ask for something more. So I have trust issues when it comes to men saying they want to be my friend. I find myself waiting for the moment when they reveal their true motive so I can get the disappointment over with. I don’t trust men at all. This is a problem.

If I don’t trust men at all, how will I ever have a partnership with one? I’m not sure if that’s what I want any time in the near future but, chances are, sometime before I die I might like to have another boyfriend. I feel as though I need a platonic relationship with a man so I can learn how to trust one. I feel like finding a way to trust half the population of the planet even a little bit is sort of a pressing issue. Because I am walking around with very bad feelings about men and it’s eating me alive. I do not see how it’s possible to be happy when you have a low opinion of half of humanity.

My wise friend said this man-wariness is part of my process, growing pains that I have to ride out. I didn’t expect to give up sex for a year and not have anything come up, did I? My irrational fear is that my mistrust of men is never going to end and I’ll feel like this for the rest of my life. My friend, of course, sees it is a phase, a necessary part of my personal development. She assures me there are lots of good guys out there and I will discover them soon enough.

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