Knight in shining armor

relationship, boyfriend, sex, celibacy, abstinence

This past year of celibacy (coming to an end this month!) and freedom from dating has brought up a lot of issues and memories concerning my, ahem, choice in men. I keep getting odd flashbacks about things I haven’t thought about in years: incidents left unacknowledged, un-examined and shelved in the recesses of my mind.

I watched the film 13 Going on 30 the other day which stars Jennifer Garner as a pre-teen girl in the late 80s who wishes she were 30 and then sees her dream come true. Being an 80s child myself, the film’s reference to Rick Springfield as the decade’s heartthrob brought back some keen memories for me. Except it was my friend Nancy, not me, who loved Rick Springfield. Rick did nothing for me and it felt as though I were the only girl in the world for whom that were true. Why didn’t I like Rick, I wondered? I checked out his Jessie’s Girl video on Youtube and it occurred to me: he’s too clean cut, too safe, too NICE.

Ever since Grade Two I’ve been drawn to the bad boy. Yes, Grade Two. And to make matters worse, I was a year younger than everyone else in Grade Two because I skipped Grade One. I was six years old and physically attracted to the baddest boy in the class. He was in Grade Three because it was a split class. He was the boy who spoke out, swore at the teacher, got sent to the office on a daily basis and smoked cigarettes behind the school at 8 years of age. I still remember his name: Kris Knight. I was fascinated with this boy and even though I never spoke to him I spent many moments gazing at him with what I realize now was my first taste of lust for someone who would never do anything but harm me. Odds that Kris is in prison serving a life sentence as we speak are even if not good.

The point is, I have been attracted to boys, men, and anything really bad for me since I was six years old. It was the beginning of a lifelong pattern of unhealthy relationships, but I have no regrets. If it weren’t for Kris, I wouldn’t be writing this blog 🙂


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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Ya know, “they” say that children develop their sexuality by age 5. By then, I had a few years under my belt of being obsessed with Labyrinth and Dirty Dancing. It wasn’t until I looked back that I realized that I like blonde haired, blue eyed, powerful men and I wondered if I was influenced by Jarreth’s domineering character in Labyrinth. I know that sounds crazy and maybe a little creepy, but it just makes so much sense to me! Since kindergarden, blue eyes have been my weakness. Attraction is a strange beast.


  2. I’m glad you told me that, Lorraine. I don’t feel so sick now! I realize being thrown from kindergarten straight into a grade 2/3 split class was quite an awakening. You’ve got me curious to see Labyrinth now. I’m going to check it out and see this character that’s had such an effect on you 🙂

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