Worth Waiting For

sex, abstinence, celibacy, marriage

I can’t believe I’ve gone from thinking I couldn’t go without sex for a month, to actually going without sex for a year, to being increasingly convinced that I’m going to wait until I’m married to have sex. It’s difficult for me to commit to remaining celibate until I’m married and I realize it’s not so much because of the temptation as that I’m unsure I could ever find a guy who would wait for me.

A running theme in my journey is this whole idea about being “worth waiting for”. Although we can pay lip service to the idea, believing we are worth waiting for is another story. It saddens me to think I might sell myself out, compromise my principles, because I’m afraid I might lose a potential partner. Perhaps it’s another sign I’m not ready for a relationship, that I still don’t trust men and have a low opinion of them and their motives. I can’t imagine finding a man who will want a relationship with me that doesn’t involve sex. I need to keep working on my self-esteem until I believe I’m worth more.

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’m not sure if this is what you’re saying here, but if you are, I agree that it’s not a question of sex, but of self-esteem. More than that, it’s not a question of sex or saving oneself for marriage, or religious principles, but of looking for a real, positive relationship.

    • I think you’re right. I need to have the relationship before I can think about where sex fits within it, anyway!

  2. I am in the same boat as you. It will officially be one year since the last time I’ve had sex this August and I’ve struggled with the thought of someone not wanting to wait for me. To get over that hurdle its all about realizing your self worth and knowing that there is someone who knows you’re just that special to wait for. If he doesn’t want to wait or tries to compromise your beliefs he is simply not the one.

    • Thank you! I needed to hear that. I’m realizing it’s better to be “alone” than with someone who doesn’t appreciate your value. And we’re never alone, anyway.

  3. You’re more than welcome. Someone had to tell me the exact same thing because I’ve definitely had my doubts. And you’re right we’re never alone just single. There is nothing wrong with that. Gives you time to truly work on yourself and figure out exactly who God created you to be. 🙂

  4. Hi. I’ve read your posts periodically through the months, and I want to encourage you to continue seeking truth about God’s plan and your own value as His child. I think it’s wonderful that you started this fast to seek a better understanding of relationships, and have found yourself in better awareness of yourself with a much clearer perspective.

    I’m one of those rare 30-something guys that has saved himself for marriage. I admit, if given the opportunity in my teenage years, I would have easily succumbed to the act, despite my “commitment” to purity. I can only consider it God’s grace that He brought me to the other side with a better understanding of why I should wait. Having the unique vantage point to see friends hurt by the offering of themselves helped me understand God’s intent more clearly. He isn’t some fuddy-fuddy God that hates the idea of sex; after all He created our bodies. But He also wouldn’t be much of a God if He didn’t try to protect us from the pain of sex outside His plans.

    Truth is, I like the idea of sex, and hope that some day I will be blessed to share it with someone that can value that enough to enjoy our marriage bed in the most unimaginably trusting manner — certainly in this culture. If that never occurs (and certainly the odds are stacking against me), I still feel blessed to serve God with my abstinence.

    I know that if you continue to seek God, you will gain an even clearer sense of the value you are in Him, and that you will never allow a man to undersell you in any degree of compromise. You’ve grown so much over the past year, and you are being prepared for wonderful things 🙂

    • Wow, thank you so much for your encouraging words. I can’t tell you how much they mean to me. There aren’t many people who understand the importance of waiting (I have only one friend who does) and our world seems to value everything except being close to God. I hope that I will continue to encounter more people who are devoted to God to help me stay on that path. It’s very easy to stray in our world, almost impossible not to unless you have lots of support from like minds. God has been so good to me and I can’t believe after all I’ve done that He loves me so much. My friend said “God doesn’t love us because we deserve it.”


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