The Rules Girl

dating, relationship, men, women, ugly truth, dance of intimacyEven throughout all my horrible relationships, which resulted in me retreating into a year of self-imposed celibacy, I knew a few universal truths, namely: 1) never call a guy first and 2) never ask a guy out first. No one taught me these rules and I didn’t read them in any book. In fact, the world around me and everyone in it were professing the exact opposite: that men and women are equals and should act as such.

But my internal feminine compass knew better. When girlfriends would tell me to ask the guy out because he’s too “intimidated” to ask me, I’d think to myself: ‘what do I want with a guy who’s intimidated by me?’. Really, why do I want a guy who doesn’t even have the courage to ask me out? If I want a strong, brave man (which I do) then the fact that he doesn’t have the guts to even approach me should be a sign that he’s not the right one for me. Maybe he needs more of a take-charge kind of girl…and that’s not me.

The idea of asking a guy out or even calling him before he calls me is like asking me to remove my femininity and I’m not willing to do that. I can’t help feeling as though I’m depriving him of his masculinity at the same time. You know the moment right before a guy asks you out: and no matter how confident, cocky or arrogant he may appear to be, that split second before he asks you for a date, he is always nervous and humbled. He may even blush. Why would I want to miss out on that moment? I love that moment! It’s when you see how vulnerable he really is even though he’d rather die than let you know.

dating, relationships, marriage, mr. right, men, women, sex, celibacyThere’s a book called The Rules that’s been around since the 90s and draws on values women have been nurturing since dating began. I didn’t know about it until this week, and from what I’ve read so far, I have been a Rules Girl all along. I’ve always believed men should be the aggressors, do the asking, planning and paying for the date. I cringe when I hear younger women say they always offer to pay on dates. When that bill comes I wouldn’t think of moving toward my purse. It’s not a ploy, it simply feels natural and right.

So now that my celibate year is up and I’m ready to start dating again, I get to do what I’ve always felt but without feeling like a freak. I don’t ask guys out and I don’t call them first. Period.

What’s your take on the subject?


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