Sex and marriage

relationship, God, spirituality, men, women, husband, wife, christianity

Since I completed my celibate year (I still can’t believe it!) I’ve become increasingly convinced that the sex-before-marriage crowd has a good point. For me to even consider waiting until I’m married to have sex again is a miracle, but over the course of the past year, my faith has become so much stronger that I see miracles happening every day, big and small. I can truly say that I believe anything is possible. So, a girl like me who has had sex with virtual strangers can become a person who wants to save herself for just one man: her husband.

Women especially are protected when we enjoy sex only within the marriage union. Think about the way a woman can obsess about one man with whom she’s had sex and he won’t even call! Men and women are different: even biologically, oxytocin is released in women when we have sex which has the very real effect of bringing us closer to the man. It is referred to in the medical community as the “bonding” hormone. Men release no such chemical.

When a woman has sex with a man, he is “hers” whether he knows it or not. We cannot control the way we feel and when women engage in casual sex it feels bad, it’s unnatural for us, and can never make us happy. For me, casual sex was more about the ego boost, about the pleasure I was giving him rather than what I received. The ego is not our friend or our soul, it is our saboteur. It wants us to destroy ourselves so it can survive and thrive.

Basically, I’m seeing that having sex with a man is such a powerful act for a woman that it makes us feel like the man is our husband even when he’s not, nor does he wish to be. That puts us in a very vulnerable position. If I’m going to be that vulnerable again I’d like it to be with someone who has committed himself to me and that I can trust completely.

What do you think?


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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Hi!!!
    I think you’re totally right , we mustn’t go against nature we deserve the best. We worth it!
    I’m on my celibacy journey for more than 5 years but thanks to you I really understand a lot of things. I discovered your blog a couple of days ago and it helps me a lot. A lot of thoughs crosses my head about my past, my behaviour. Thanks for sharing your experience! God bless you. Keep loving your life!

    Ps: I’m sorry for my English, I’m a French follower!!

    • Your English is perfect. Thank you for your comment; I’m encouraged by your journey as well. I invite you to write a guest post if you’d like to share your story!

      • Thank you!!! I can share with you my journey although it’s not very interesting! How do I do a guest post?

      • Great! Just send it to me in an email (500 words or less):

  2. have really enjoyed this and wish every lady will read it to guide them in their sex lives. we must certainly not allow our ego to rule us, we must guide it.

  3. Wow…this is so good 🙂 This gives me so much encouragement that any who listen to God will be blessed with His truth! The transformation that has occurred in your vow has been through His strength, and your desire to remain pure will also be honored through His strength. Left to our own vices, every single one of us will make the decision that feeds our appetites but destroys our lives. For you to seek a purity that can only be accomplished through Him will only draw you closer to Him and a sexual life that honors and glorifies Him.

    Personally, I must trust my Creator as one who knows me better than I know myself. He created my body and my desire for sex: both of which are good. But within this framework, the Designer knows the best use of His own facilities.

    C.S. Lewis offered the best example I’ve ever heard: imagine you had built a machine. As the inventor, you knew exactly how the machine was meant to operate and what it was intended to produce. Now suppose someone who was working your machine was doing it all wrong. His misuse was seriously in danger of damaging the machine, or producing something other than what you intended. Would you not feel compelled to teach the operator the correct use, having a personal interest in your own machine?

    How much more would God desire for us to “operate” our bodies in their intended fashions? If our Creator says that sex is a physical act demonstrating the spiritual bonding of flesh through His marriage covenant, who are we to argue with that? Should I tell the Maker, “No, you don’t understand sex as well as I do,” or “I’ve found a more efficient and desirable use”?

    It is because God loves you and protects you that He is giving you clarity on His intent, and how man and woman’s very creation were designed with the security and commitment of one another in mind. God uses the term “one flesh” to describe the marriage covenant because He intends us to experience the unity of our bodies and our lives in a way that cannot be undone. Both are equally important, and corruption creeps into marriage when either is neglected. We should experience the commitment, comfort, and trust of our partner, whether culture values that or not.

    We are blessed that God allows us to know this security and trust through such an explosive and expressive outlet as sex. He gave it to us in His perfect context because He’s just that good.

    • Your reply could be a post in itself: very eloquent. I admire your unerring trust in God’s plan. I am continually trying to do things my way and then realizing finally that I have to surrender or nothing works well. I did not grow up with God (my parents are atheists) so I am learning about Him like a child learns. I feel like I don’t know anything! But I feel God’s presence and I believe what I read in the Bible so I’m going to keep going in that direction. I notice he keeps putting more and more Christians in my life as I continue on this journey so I take comfort in that and He just seems to direct me to all the right things at the right time. I do understand the meaning of the word “miracle” now.

    • Brevity has never been my strength…I try not to hijack other’s blogs with my comments 🙂

      Most of my favorite Christians are those that had to explore God’s truth on their own. Many that grow up in the church will never understand or appreciate the mystery and miracle of a transforming grace. My mom may have taken me there, but all of us must be drawn by His presence through our own pursuit.

      He asks us to come to Him like a child, because He doesn’t want us to trust in our own strength. We were never intended to know anything apart from Him, and your thirst for understanding will be honored, because He wants to reconcile with His children. I’ve been serious about my faith for thirteen years, and I still am being blown away daily by how little I know, and how much he wants to show me!

      Press on and God bless 🙂

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