Courtship vs. Friends with Benefits

sex, abstinence, celibacy, relationship, marriage, courtship, single woman

“Friends with benefits” is an expression describing a friendship between a man and a woman in which sex is a casual component. If you’ve been reading this blog you know my views on casual sex: I don’t believe it’s possible, mainly because women become attached to the men with whom they have sex–whether they like it or not.

My friend told me about a “friends with benefits” situation in which she began to feel taken for granted. He wouldn’t call her when he said he would, or arrange ahead to meet, but would instead text her in the late evening and ask if he could come over. She was outraged by the behaviour but I have to ask, what other outcome could there possibly be?

When you give your body to a man without requiring a commitment from him, why would he feel obligated to call ahead to arrange a date? He knows sex is there whenever he wants it and he acts accordingly. It’s a case of teaching people how to treat you. How can you expect a man to respect you when you don’t respect yourself? Whether it’s spoken or not, a man must lose respect for a woman who gives away sex so easily. Their behaviour in cases like these is enough to prove my point.

“Friends with benefits” is another modern lie that hurts and confuses women and creates animosity between the sexes. Casual sex in all its forms simply does not work, except for the initial and short lived sexual pleasure which is fleeting and quickly turns to heartache. My intuition always told me certain truths: you don’t call men; you don’t ask men out; and you let men plan the date. There is a necessary pattern to courtship which has the man wooing and winning the woman. If she is so easy to catch, what’s the point? Something sacred is being lost.


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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Something sacred indeed.

    Just as there is something to be restored in a lady’s honor, men have learned to shirk the responsibility to lead, and to obtain the short-lived pleasure of sex without lending themselves to the risk of giving a woman their heart.

    As I begin to grow in my relationship with God, I find nothing less attractive in a woman than her ambitious pursuit of man. There seems to be a natural order to creation that is being neglected.

    But knowing God’s heart also stirs me to stand in confidence again, allowing Him to show me women who are willing to reflect their true beauty, rather than flaunting their vanity. And this compels me to protect those pure hearts, and leaves me responsible for respecting woman as His most beautiful creation.

    It scares me to death, because culture leaves no precedent on how I am to “woo,” but I know this is God’s heart. Even now, He has me patiently guiding a wonderful woman that He has placed in my life, and I have to continually check my motives in regards to her heart. I have to guard it like I would guard my own. Do I know what I’m doing? Not a clue. But if she’s His daughter, I have to trust that He cares enough to show me, right?

    So there’s something to restore in each of us, and when it occurs, we will have a better understanding of this sacred order of men pursuing women. But even if it is little more than a nagging intuition today, I must step in faith, regardless of how much more it asks of me as a man.

  2. Hi!!!
    A friend of mine had that kind of “relationship”. I see her being destroy by the boy ( a man should be respectful). At the beginning, she said it was cool, she was treasuring the little care he had for her. But, things turned ugly. He was totally disrespecting her and using her as a sex-toy.
    Everybody musts desire the best for himself.

    The society gives excuses to all bad behaviours.: Sex is good, sex is freedom, if you don’t have a lot of sex partners, you sucks, you must be sexy for men and be happy if a man look at you as if you were a steack.
    A few days ago, I talk with women who don’t believe in fidelity. They say they ‘d rateher be in a free relationship in which the partners love each others but have sex with others persons. They don’t consider that like cheating as the partner is aware of that. They separate love and sex. But sex is not only the act but it’s a share of love and feelings between two people. It’s a degree higher than “friends with benefits”.

    “Friends with benefits” , they aren’t even friends. It can’t be called like that as one is used and destroyed by the other.

    They are calling that freedom but it’s a real and dangerous jail. People don’t trust themselves or others. They lost their soul and their connection with God. So, even if He leads them to the right path, they can’t see his signs. When I was little, my cousin told me that if you keep doing bad things, you can’t hear your angel anymore.
    If you can’t hear his voice, your hear another one. Hope they wake up soon.

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