The wisdom of waiting for marriage

By the title of this blog it’s obvious I started it to document my journey of sexual abstinence. At the time I was sure I would white knuckle it through the twelve months and jump into bed with the first available guy as soon as the year was up. Of course during the year I spent a lot of time on my own which gave me the chance to raise my level of self-awareness and without the distraction of a dramatic relationship, I could begin to see my patterns and what drove me to do the things I did, especially self-sabotage.

I used to look for a partner to fill the hole inside me, to “fix me” so to speak and now that I’m emotionally healthier I see that is a recipe for disaster. That’s why I’ve been working on myself incessantly and understanding God has not sent me the right person yet because I’m not ready for him. Now that I understand the Law of Attraction (that like attracts like), I’m committed to developing my character until I am at a place where I would want to attract someone like me. If I went with what I would attract now, I would outgrow him in short order and I’m looking for a long-term marriage bound relationship.

The greatest gift I have earned over this year of celibacy (almost fifteen months now) is the wisdom of saving oneself for marriage and the truth that men and women are not equal but different. I realize now I don’t want a man to go toe-to-toe with but one who will take care of me and my feelings and to whom I can look up and respect. The world we live in doesn’t support that point of view, but I only need one man who understands this, not the world.


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