Love Lessons

the rules, love, marriage, dating, men, single woman

I’m studying my Calling In The One book, diligently doing my lessons every morning and I see it’s all about cleaning out the crap. Today’s lesson is about “toxic ties”: those relationships that do us only harm but out of fear we refuse to either sever them or set appropriate boundaries to protect ourselves. I’ve begun to set those boundaries with my mentally ill mother and I’ve noticed that like the excuses I’ve made for her, I’ve made excuses for everyone who’s treated me with less respect than I deserve. Rather than stand up for myself, I’ve taken the other person’s side, rationalizing bad behaviour in every possible way, as though everybody else was far more important than me.

At the moment, that’s what I’m working on: remembering that my needs are just as important as anyone else’s. Sometimes I have to fight to get those needs met by setting boundaries with people. I find boundary setting emotionally exhausting because I’m not used to it, and I hope as my journey continues it will get easier. I have always felt “porous”, overly sensitive to what others might be feeling. I might be happy as hell and put me beside an angry person and all of a sudden I’m riddled with anxiety. That’s a boundary issue. I must learn to be strong enough in my sense of self that I am not changing with the mood of every person I encounter. Such porousness is even more exhausting than setting boundaries, I realize now.

I’m also addressing my fear of intimacy, of choosing men that will never truly love me, the phantom relationship if you will. I have set an intention to release a certain gentleman from my hope of ever having love with him. My intention is to have a passing acquaintance with him and open myself to someone who is able and willing to give me what I need in a romantic partner.


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