Are you attracted to unavailable men?

I have been away for a while and am touched to return to many lovely comments on my last post in which I wrote I have met a compatible man: one who has all the qualities I desire and who makes me feel like no one else. I have been working on myself relentlessly over the past year-and-a-half because I know that being your best and most authentic self is the way to attract someone worthwhile (and, hey, it’s the only way to be regardless of your intention).

After all my work, I attracted in a man who is everything I wanted – I dreamed him and he came true.

Although I adore him, I believe this man is unavailable. Do you know what I mean by unavailable? He may be married. He may be a workaholic. He may be a CIA agent. Whatever the reason, he has failed to call me on more than one occasion and then apologized after about an “emergency” that prevented him from connecting at the promised time. The first time was taking a colleague to the hospital and the second was unspecified. I sense red flags and my newly-honed intuition is saying ‘stop’.

I’ve learned over the past year or so that if something unfortunate happens to me I must have had something to do with it. What is my part in this situation? I believe, lovely readers, that I was enjoying the feelings I was experiencing so much that I did not ask the questions I needed to ask and I ignored the red flags that would indicate this man is taken….either by another woman or his high-achieving job (perhaps both).

I’ve also learned (from this experience specifically) that actions speak louder than words. I was in love with the things he was saying to me and the way he made me feel, but in reality, his actions did not back those up. He is still contacting me and I am still remaining open…but I’m also open to other men and know that I must stand by my boundaries and stay true to my new standards: no unavailable men and no secrets.

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Ugh, that’s a horrible feeling to feel, especially so early on in the courtship. I say you leave him alone because you deserve someone who is true to their word, and not give you excuses! I also suspect a guy I’m dating could be married, but time will tell if it’s true or not. The reason why I’m going to keep seeing him is because, unlike you, I’m not looking for anything serious because I don’t feel I’m ready right now for a relationship which could potentially lead to marriage. If you want someone to truly be yours, and give you their undivided attention, you need to stand strong and remove yourself from the situation. I can’t live your life though, it has to come from your heart and where you feel you’re at in life, and where you want to be. Best wishes! 🙂

    • Hi Bella, I’m glad you are reading the blog because I appreciate your advice and feel you are in a similar situation. He wrote me again saying “come back to me” and like a dummy I responded. I am coming face to face with the realization that I am more attracted to unavailable men. I must work on this issue if I am going to receive the love I deserve.


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