Like many people, I used to scoff at that famous book by self-help guru Dr. John Gray called Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. The title was embarrassing and the whole concept seemed so cheesy, I would never read such pablum. Well, guess what I just uploaded to my Kindle?
Over the past year and a bit of celibacy I have been studying relationships in an effort to discover how I’ve gone so wrong in my past entanglements and to gain an increasing level of self-awareness. I’ve always looked at what I could get out of relationship without wondering what I could put into it. I realize now that *gasp* men and women are different and we have different needs and styles of communicating. I highly recommend Dr. Gray’s book for anyone woman or man who has scratched her head trying to figure out the opposite sex.
One of the most important lessons I gleaned from the text is that men don’t need to talk about their problems to feel better. As shocking as this may seem, the book says men mainly talk to give or receive information. It sounds sensible but for me (and all the women I know) talking has very little to do with exchanging information. We talk to feel close to other people and we talk because it lessens our stress. If I had a problem and didn’t talk about it immediately, I would explode! Apparently, men prefer to work out their problems on their own silently and will only ask for help if they’ve exhausted all options.
The author also addressed the fact that when you tell a man your problem he will try to solve it. That’s how he shows he cares. If he can’t solve it he feels like a failure and will not want to listen anymore. Sound familiar? He might also feel as though you are blaming him for your problem even when that’s the furthest thing from your mind. What men don’t realize is that we women just want someone to listen to us go on about our problem and usually in the talking we will see the solution ourselves. Or we will simply feel better for having said it out loud.
There are so many other gems in this book that have not only increased my self-awareness as a woman but have shed some light on those mysteries of men that I never understood and always took so personally. I hope you will check it out if you are feeling confused about your partner or the opposite sex. It might clarify a few things and improve your relationship or any unions you may have in the future.